Why? Why? Why?

I’ve come to realize I may never understand “why”. But I keep asking “why?” The reason to know why would be change the outcome and that can't be changed. So I need to stop asking why. It’s just hard to accept that there is no more Mark, only memories. I grieve for myself and for his family losing him, but because I feel sad that he had to feel such hopelessness and despair. A friend of mine sent me a book that I devoured, Finding Your Way after the Suicide of Someone You Love by David B. Biebel and Suzanne L. Foster. I recommend it to any survivors of suicide.